Woo Woo To The Me Too
People are going to try to be more exploitive and more abusive this year, people can increase their sense of entitlement when they feel insecure, not everyone with the same problems have empathy, sometimes it means it's easier to compare suffering, ending with more guilt and shame.
If you have a habit of comparative suffering, you probably have a scarcity limiting mindset fuelled by some false beliefs, it's time to consider setting it down.
As I admire the persistence of B Army, I also wish they also consider the invisible survivors in their quest, because no one came to save me, no one is saving 1 out of 4 women right now. I keep going because I'm worried about them, I also am burning out real fast due to lack of support.
Sometimes I cry about it, how I know it's so bad, I try to harden myself and just ignore it, try to pull myself away, then something like #freebritney catches my eye, I feel inspired and I'm back at it again.
Oops I did it again now carries more meaning than teeny booper idea of girlhood, it's a rebellion and a cry for help at the same time, a sound familiar to any female who found our teenage years hard.
Even if we're pretty, popular, first world and talented, it can still be a rally cry that we recognise.
Abusers often find the need to disengage from seeing people as people, by dehumanising someone, it's then easier to be violent. We all get frustrated, I have depicted uncivilised people as animals all my life, there're many uncivilised people in this world, I did draw a clear line between behaviours (can change) and fundamentally who they're (redeemable).
Abusers are the opposite, they see behaviours as the person, they gauge someone solely on their own reactions and that one perspective. They see people as pessimistically irredeemable as a default and behaviours that provoke them are intentional, people aren't to be trusted nor worthy of help. So, they feed that predetermined idea of someone then blame them when they do eventually fall into that self fulfilling prophesy they forced them into in the first place.
Within a dysfunctional family, what happens is that there will be abusers by proxy, they will triangulate the victim between them, both vying for control of the victim's finances. Leaving the victim distraught and overwhelmed, feeling attacked from all sides, uncertain who to trust.
They could lost their entire family all at once, finding they're all against her independence, some in self denial, some helpless. Survivors often struggle along and alone to speak their truth to people who do not want to admit it happened.
Abusers are often abusers for life, they often don't see anything wrong with them, stepping in for professional help isn't on the cards, some refuse to admit it happened even on their deathbeds, leaving victims the duty to reconcile what happened.
My sister gave me a paint by numbers set a while back and I thought, hmmmmhow fun!
I thought I will do a dress by colour series to help people gather insights using fashion. I dressed in shades of green and gold the last time and thought I will take it up a notch with matchy-mismatchy base colours of tan and blue.
You can do it either way.
Domineering people need to assert authority over others at all times, failing to do so mean they think less of themselves. Dominance is different from assertion, assertive people get themselves heard without making others feel small, they don't take up all the space in the room, suck the air out of the room and shove people to the side so they can snatch the spotlight for themselves and themselves only. Assertive people can share the spotlight with others without feeling intimidated.
When a person with high empathy is a good communicator as well as assertive at the same time, they're persuasive without incurring as much backlash from others. This can lead to misunderstandings by domineering people who assume they have better conditions when it's their overpowering behaviours that aggravates others.
The inaugural 2020 Child Online Safety Index report found that almost 60 per cent of children in the age group of 8 to 12years old in 30 countries were exposed to one or more forms of cyber risks, of which 45 per cent were affected by cyberbullying, either as bullies themselves or as victims.
The risk of going viral is the backlash can be sudden as well, this is not something even adults can handle. I have close to 500 people blocked on 8 of my social media accounts, people who come unhinged, abusers, people who provoke.
I don't want to have to deal with them at all, it doesn't matter if they agree or disagree with me, it's that no one deserves abuse, harassment and stalking, just for participating.
All the talk of free speech, cancel culture, freedom of information is moot when abuse is present. These ideas are often also distorted to condone abuse.
We hear much about not victim blaming, the advise is to refrain from telling victims to "get over it", "to forgive and forget", "it takes two to tango" and all the invalidating empty platitudes people throw out.
You just feel worse each time you hear it, then it's the mental gymnastics of being polite to overly confident lay people who think they "helped" you.
Here are some other things often not mentioned.
I didn't want to have to listen to them and I felt like shit for thinking that way, I had to deal with the guilt of letting them down, when it wasn't my problem to begin with, I didn't victimise them, I didn't gain anything from them, I thought I was showing up for them, how did that script get flipped?
When I see how many are temporarily engaged when it trends then disengage after, out of the hundreds of locals and friends of all nationalities who metoo-ed with me when it started in 2017, I was the only one who continued to talk about it years later.