Day 276 of 365 Days of Being
The worst thing you can call an Empath is a narcissist, it's the greatest insult possible for Empaths who treasure our empathy and compassion. When we spot narcissists, we control alternate delete before you can say Namaste. "Run, run, head for the hills" is the usual advice. It's a shared experience between Empaths that before we're empowered, we fall prey to narcissists. We also learn to spot red flags like no one's business to prevent the destruction we know will occur around a narcissist. Hoping we are never ever around one again. EVER.
To completely resolve Empath & Narcissist wounding, the energetic separation that's part of the healing process needs to merge into one whole inside ourselves. Any residual external divide becomes a lasting divide within ourselves, the reason why Empaths continue to draw narcissists to them, to help heal this wound completely. Yes, we can set boundaries and fend them off, it's even better not to attract them at all.
When we demonise anyone or their behaviour, we start to drift from the lessons we're suppose to learn so let's change the narrative to one of full acceptance to receive the lessons into ourselves. Full acceptance doesn't mean condoning or enabling, it means viewing it from a soulful kinder perspective that aids our healing. Learning can be from a bad example, figuring out what we don't want is also part of a healing spiritual quest.
Narcissism is on a spectrum, there's healthy narcissism and unhealthy narcissism, narcissists are on the chronically unhealthy end, it's all about moderation. Healthy narcissism is guilt free self-love with self-honouring boundaries that contribute to your wellbeing. If you look around and you think everyone is selfish, it means you have yet to learn self-love and boundaries, still feeling distressed about others.
Narcissism also isn't so blatantly obvious, most people have the misconception that a narcissist is a boastful overpowering person solely interested in superficiality and materialism, when covert narcissism also exist. Overt narcissism is more common in men and covert narcissism is more common in women, covert narcissism is a subtler yet just as destructive self-centredness, usually about victim mentality, wallowing in self-pity, shifting responsibility and blaming circumstances. Resulting in a diminished quality of life, including depression and anxiety, chronic fatigue, constant aches and pains in the body.
We all pick up narcissistic traits, whether you have been a victim of a narcissist or simply by living in a profoundly sick fear mongering society that value all that don't matter over all that does, we're all victims of a broken system. If we practice radical self-honesty, we can acknowledge that healing requires addressing the difficult truths with courage, we can break through the wall of pain. By taking a non-judgemental, self-loving approach to wound healing, we spread love and light within our being.
Many wounded Empaths completely shun all that's healthy, as long as there's a vibrational whiff of selfishness, they go running. Take a fearful all or nothing white or black approach to narcissism. We only think this way when there's residual fear that becomes resistance within us, becoming limiting mindsets with reduced options. Or it's taking on the widespread misconception that self-love is selfish, this is an especially huge barrier for women who have been systematically under siege since the 15th century witch trials. Unless we flip the switch, swop our perspectives, we won't be able to completely heal.
Self-love is healthy, boundaries are healthy. If we empathise with those who don't empathise with us in return, we're constantly releasing mirror neurons that mimic the pain in them, end up not just feeling their pain, living their pain inside us, this will drain anyone. Taking full ownership is a challenging task as is, why waste precious energy on those not for us? Wish them well and send them on their way, they have other compatible like-minded people to meet. Focus on building a supportive network of mutually caring people that always elevate us instead. Work on your hopes and dreams to create a fulfilling meaningful life as well.
A spiritcentric life isn't an egocentric one, we all have a unique inner voice and all the wisdom of the cosmos exist in our spirits, all the answers are found within us. To lead us to our purpose, help us set down our fears, the universe is always working for us.
All this starts from admitting any narcissist traits that might not be full-blown, are still blockages within us that interfere in getting clear directive messages from collective consciousness that can benefit our lives tremendously.
I set down many of my subtle covert narcissistic traits that aren't noticeable to others, I always had people tell me I am kind and trustworthy. This is the trap of a people pleaser, everyone loves being around us, not many love us for us, even less are courageous enough to speak the healing truths kindly to us.
My knot was having unrealistically high expectations of my kindness, that it meant throwing myself under the bus for others. When some wouldn't care even if I was under a bus, they will continue to depend on me to alchemise their pain. Overtime I sunk into disillusionment and despair. By practicing radical self-honesty, I found that deep in an unconscious mind, I wanted the image of a kind person, this is something that my rational monkey mind didn't know. So I was always attracting narcissists to highlight this to me. This was the result of childhood wounding that I have since healed.
By humbly knowing my limits, setting my boundaries accordingly, I realised that other people's definition of kindness is my definition of basic respect. It's that my standards were too exhaustingly high, not that theirs were too low. When I stopped punishing myself, shed this idea that I must hold myself to inhumane standards to be loved and accepted. Standards I never saw anyone fulfilling nor met anyone who wanted to fulfil them, I released myself from myself, as well as the unhealthy habits I picked up from narcissists. I also started fully appreciating how I have the capacity and heart to do it when others couldn't or didn't want to. My self-esteem grew exponentially as a result as well.
It's nice thinking well of myself after a lifetime of being an exhausted secretly resentful people pleaser. I can honestly say I love myself. I hope you find this within you too.
Love, light and peace.
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