As I admire the persistence of B Army, I also wish they also consider the invisible survivors in their quest, because no one came to save me, no one is saving 1 out of 4 women right now. I keep going because I'm worried about them, I also am burning out real fast due to lack of support.
Sometimes I cry about it, how I know it's so bad, I try to harden myself and just ignore it, try to pull myself away, then something like #freebritney catches my eye, I feel inspired and I'm back at it again.
Oops I did it again now carries more meaning than teeny booper idea of girlhood, it's a rebellion and a cry for help at the same time, a sound familiar to any female who found our teenage years hard.
Even if we're pretty, popular, first world and talented, it can still be a rally cry that we recognise.
Like many grassroots indie activists, my passion is large, my resources are limited. So, I put together a list of how anyone can participate to #orangetheworld from 25 Nov to 10 Dec.
The 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence is an annual international campaign that kicks off on 25 November, the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women, and runs until 10 December, Human Rights Day.
The theme this year is domestic violence, a timely one due to the global pandemic driven spike in gender based violence against women.
You can read UN Women's Concept Note here.
Abusers often find the need to disengage from seeing people as people, by dehumanising someone, it's then easier to be violent. We all get frustrated, I have depicted uncivilised people as animals all my life, there're many uncivilised people in this world, I did draw a clear line between behaviours (can change) and fundamentally who they're (redeemable).
Abusers are the opposite, they see behaviours as the person, they gauge someone solely on their own reactions and that one perspective. They see people as pessimistically irredeemable as a default and behaviours that provoke them are intentional, people aren't to be trusted nor worthy of help. So, they feed that predetermined idea of someone then blame them when they do eventually fall into that self fulfilling prophesy they forced them into in the first place.
Within a dysfunctional family, what happens is that there will be abusers by proxy, they will triangulate the victim between them, both vying for control of the victim's finances. Leaving the victim distraught and overwhelmed, feeling attacked from all sides, uncertain who to trust.
They could lost their entire family all at once, finding they're all against her independence, some in self denial, some helpless. Survivors often struggle along and alone to speak their truth to people who do not want to admit it happened.
Abusers are often abusers for life, they often don't see anything wrong with them, stepping in for professional help isn't on the cards, some refuse to admit it happened even on their deathbeds, leaving victims the duty to reconcile what happened.
People wonder why people, especially women, are sympathetic towards Melania, we saw photos and videos of her rejecting his PDA multiple times, her trying desperately to play her public role well, how her body language betrays her and made her relatable at the same time.
It's an understandable response on our part; there's something enjoyable about watching a man who thinks he can grab women's genitals with impunity being rejected by his wife. And for those of us who find it hard to fathom how any woman could stand to be in the same room as Trump—let alone his bed—it's satisfying to believe that Melania might hate him just as much as we do.
There're many misconceptions not just about why survivors stay in abusive relationships, but also about how trauma affects the body. This combined with the pressures of diet culture and impossible beauty standards mean survivors, especially female survivors, the ones who also have to deal with the patriarchal idea of beauty and sex as the most important qualities a woman has, are the largest victims of this triangulation.
I am here to debunk some myths.
1. Withdrawal from socialisation is boundaries.
2. Boundaries are a sign of distrust.
3. Hyper vigilance is boundaries.
4. Boundaries is about selfishness and selflessness.
5. Being stressed out isn't a lack of boundaries.
6. Boundary setting is a one time event.
7. Boundary setting is betraying someone or a group.
8. Boundaries require aggression to keep.
9. Boundaries is lack of empathy.
10. Everyone want boundaries.
Caroline Flack's ex-fiance Andrew Brady is asking people to donate to Mermaids, a UK charity that despite many warnings by feminists, gender critical men and women alike, have chosen to ignore the possibility of undiagnosed autism, permanent sterilisation and irreversible surgery.
In Mermaids's unyielding push to advocate transition as a solution for transgenders, they have blatantly ignored scientific research behind transgender's long term health, including suicide rates.
The most thorough follow-up of sex-reassigned people—extending over 30 years and conducted in Sweden, where the culture is strongly supportive of the transgendered—documents their lifelong mental unrest. Ten to 15 years after surgical reassignment, the suicide rate of those who had undergone sex-reassignment surgery rose to 20 times that of comparable peers.
After speaking to thousands of people over the span of 4 years about self esteem, reading piles of psychological data, researching on society attitudes about esteem, I didn't meet a single lay person who got it right, I even encountered many mental health professionals and life coaches who got it wrong. The result stunned me, how could this be?
I wanted to help abused women and men, I ended up uncovering much larger social attitudes towards esteem instead, there are my findings.
1. Confidence and esteem are mutually exclusive.
2. Esteem isn't assertiveness.
3. Success isn't a sign of high esteem.
4. Ambition isn't a sign of high esteem.
5. The ability to help people isn't a sign of high esteem.