The universe bears gifts, I invented this technique that combines earthing, visualisation and meditation, called Oneness Meditation. Uno dos tres, it's about harvesting the kundalini life force by becoming the tree of life.
Earthing is walking barefoot on dry soil or grass, it's important that it's dry or you will absorb water, possibly cause water retention. Earthing reduces inflammation of the brain and body, it helps improve our mental health and also prevents other diseases. Visualisation helps our minds release our dreams into the universe, unlock a limiting mindset and unleash unlimited potential within. Mediation is of course wonderful for a calm peaceful mind, free of noise and clutter.
When I hit rock bottom in end 2016, I lose everything that had meaning to me. My family, my partner, my work, my sanity. In flooded my PTSD that I carried for 20 plus years, that was managed, repressed but not completely healed. Then WHAM I broke my ankle, was hospitalised and required two surgeries. I felt like a complete failure, I was crying daily, I was having panic attacks, my anxiety was so debilitating, I was afraid of going out. Everything was too much, too much emotional, psychological pain, too much physical pain, too much to think about, life was TOO MUCH. I was constantly overwhelmed, I kept trying to swim and I kept sinking. So much healing, I don't know where to start or where anything ended. It was dark, I was lost, there was no light. That's when I got the words from above, "keep on writing", so I did. I kept my head down, wrote day and night. I set up this website, kept on writing daily, the rest is destiny. I now live whole, fulfilled, aligned with the divine, enjoy a joyous peaceful life.
Art therapy was how I pulled myself out of the darkness. It applies to all forms of art, not solely for writing. This is how I did it.
Our daughter made it! All their merrelatives knew about it, if they didn't, they made sure to let them know. They engaged a whale to announce the sonic humble brag, reaching the merlion tribe far and wide. Of course they posted on FB as well. "No lah, she got lucky! Your son doing so well too." They always said with beaming smiles on their usually stern lion faces. Just loud enough but not TOO loud. No way. Harmony first you know, they ARE Singaporeans after all.
Her parents are proud of her and she IS happy they’re proud of her. Yet in the stillness of the night, she feels this emptiness in her heart, a roar caught in her throat, all the things she wanted to say to the world and couldn’t. Her usually perfectly coiffed mane in a hot mess, unlike the perfect life she portrayed on FB, with a massive following mind you. Don’t play play.
She read about Dory’s adventure in Tails As Old As Times and found that slightly fishy. Can a little fish really do it? A forgetful clown fish moreover. The jesters of the Meriverse with a terrible sense of direction and minute fins. She laughed when she heard this.
No one wanted a Negative Nelly. Everyone loves a Positive Sally. Perfection is the only way to be. Be all or nothing. It’s exhausting. She felt displaced in her own country. She's suppose to belong here but she doesn’t. She really doesn't. She doesn't feel it in her lion head or in her cat heart, definitely not in her mertail swag. She doesn't.
On the outside, she put on her bravest lion face, knowing that she was more of a creative cat on the inside. She knows she’s lucky to be born in Singapore, she tried to be grateful and to an extent it worked. She trudged along like everyone else, day after day, year after year and before you know it, it's been 35 years.
She has gone on the straight and narrow for so long. She doesn’t know what passion feels like, what freedom taste like anymore. What is it like to believe in something greater than herself? Not just a job but a passion, something to look forward to with glee. Something that awaken all our senses from the top of our heads to the bottom of your shoes, I mean, Mertail. Something that makes you not just EXIST but LIVE.
What does Dory feel like? Can Dory even remember? Ha. What does coming home mean? How does someone turn Kueh Lapis into Rainbow Lapis?
There must be something more. Something, anything, maybe. HOPEFULLY.
In celebration of Singapore's 52nd birthday, inspired by the Merlion, an icon of Singapore, written in Singlish (Singaporean English)
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Find image here.
The Merlion is an icon of Singapore. Its name combines "mer", meaning the sea, and "lion".
HDB or Housing Development Board is a government subsidised flat.
Sang Nila Utama is a a Palembang prince who coined the name Singapura upon his discovery of the island in the 14th century.
Kueh Lapis is a “Makanan Khas” or specialty food from Indonesia. It is a light, layered cake that is available in many different flavours.
Dear 小胖 *,
It's been 15 years. I still have the privilege of calling you my friend. That's right, the privilege. You were my first love, the person I fell in love with when I thought I didn't know what love is. Now, after 15 years of attempting to make sense of love with my mind just like everyone else, I surrender fully to my heart once again, a beginning that never ended. I believe once again in the core of my soul in the possibilities of love, a love so pure and true. I stop questioning it and started living loved.
It sure has been a hell of a ride, one full of nice people who didn't move me, good people trying their best, broken people trying to make sense of the world and a singular psychopath that let me understand that self-denial was my shield, my ability to see the best in people has been at the expense of myself. I wanted to believe so badly in the goodness of people, I got lost in the reality of them as well. Yes, I am an idealist and I don't know any other way. I am still one, just a wiser one who knows how to protect my heart more so I can grow fully into my calling. I know now that not everyone is mine to save, I can however empower someone to save themselves. I do what I can and the rest is up to God.
Yesterday, when you delivered a home cooked meal, I realised you are the very few who I allow to help me. I often wonder what drew me to you then, I didn't know anything about you yet I knew everything. I realise now that I saw God in you. The greatest compliment I can offer anyone. Throughout the years, I am to see God in you repeatedly. The light that emits from true hearts and courageous souls that live right and do right. Oh, how beautiful are you. You don't even know it. Which of course makes it all the more glorious.
Your temper still sucks, it sucked then and it sucks now. I was too immature and I didn't know how to handle it then, it was difficult and I wanted so badly for you to be happy. I made it my fault that you aren't happy and shiny when you are just being human. A role you do real well. Better than many others.
You are married now and happily so. I remember looking at your partner and knowing that she could accept something I can't, you are in good hands. That part, the most important part, she does better than me than I ever did. I still love you so, how can I not? I love you deeply as a friend, a privilege I intend to keep. So thank you, thank you, thank you for being you. My candle in the darkness of life, one that keeps on burning.
To the greatest love of all,
*The literal translation of 小胖 would be Little Fat. Hhahhahaha. A pet name I had for her. I love the irony of it because she isn't fat and she has always been beautiful to me.
Little Mama Goes To School is by Hsiao Ron Cheng.
For more female artists, go here.
Oil on water is about a girl who speaks to me at 2 am and we never met up. I had to honour my relationship then and told my partner about her. That was then, now she is with a wonderful partner, I hope she is genuinely happy. Best wishes, oily girl. Submerge and if you can still breathe, that is the one for you.
Find Alyssa Monks's work here.
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Freedom of the spirit
To connect each other
As one people
Desperate to proof their worth
a golden ticket of approval
Kept hidden under criticism
Squeezed into tight cages
Lambs led to slaughter
bleating for mercy
Butchered in the heads of others
killed before its time
Inspired by all writers or poets who doubt themselves, you are listening too hard to others. I have moments of self-doubt too. I don't fit into the traditional Singaporean mentality of who or what a writer or poet should be. Precisely. I am exactly where I want to be. I choose to sit in my own space and risk being understood, pushing boundaries and connecting. Some will get me, some won't. I am perfectly OK. So to any of you aspiring writers and poets like me, keep on writing!
You can find Piece of Me by Sonya Fu here.
A discussion whether you can fall in love with someone you have never met lead to this. A husband who talks about his wife with such revered beauty, it touched my heart. He was the one that stood out to me. He is lucky, there is no doubt or maybe he just tuned in more to his heart and didn't stop looking.
Find the image here.
En grade is about someone guarding her heart fiercely, a necessary stage when someone is becoming. She's not really herself now, I sense it fully. A caterpillar becoming a butterfly, oh how beautiful is she.
For more poetry, find me @ https://instagram.com/blackilo
Bloodshed on Tiggy-Winkle street is by Xue Wang