Day 240 of 365 Days of Being
I'm from the school of spirit aligned self-love to selflessness, I believe that no one is left out of the oneness, self-empathy and self-compassion is as important as empathy and compassion for others. The reason why it's difficult to be consistently kind is that we aren't sharing the overflow of love, when we don't have enough for ourselves, it's hard to be continuously giving.
I walk the path of a Goddess with a daily crown on my head, driven by a higher power that completes everything for me. From a former disempowered people pleaser who constantly exhausted myself putting everyone above me to an empowered person who understands my innate worth, values myself, making this change wasn't easy, not at all.
My key concern was not to come from a place of ego or self-centredness. Which will not just harm others, ultimately it will harm me the most. I had a gargantuan fear of losing my empathy, something that carried me and others through tough times.
So does wanting recognition mean being egocentric? I believe everything exist on a continuum, a healthy ego is necessary for survival, to execute the duties of our highest selves in a healthy way that serves self as well as others. Many times when people say, kill the ego or lose the ego, they mean increase awareness. If someone is indeed capable then having an equally big ego is important, it becomes harmful when it's an overestimation or underestimation, a common challenge for spiritual beings, we're all looking for that Holy Grail of balance. It took me a long time to find it, most days I'm great, some days not so much.
I admit that like everyone else I want recognition, we all want to be seen and heard for who we're. Most importantly, we wanted to be acceptance and loved for who we're.
We frequently don't get recognition for our contributions, what happens then? On one hand, some say, "no one owes you anything", I see some truth in it. We're not entitled to anything in our lives, if you see it from in front of the veil, it's that all is from grace, we come from nothing, we go back to nothing. If you see it from behind the veil, it's that working hard doesn't guarantee success, being a good or kind person doesn't mean you aren't taken for granted or remain unseen and unheard by some.
When I posted in a group last year, "what does kindness mean to you?" I got 200 plus comments, all different. Each resonated with me in a way or the other, that's how multifarious the perceptions of kindness really is. It was an AHA moment for me, the realisation that my view of kindness is all-encompassing while other people's view of kindness might not be. The usual way to perceive kindness is if someone is kind to the most vulnerable members of society that need the most help. The people that can't offer anything in return. Or large altruistic acts that impact a great number of people, worthy of our investment of time and energy. A interpersonal view of kindness is do people get our needs met when we want them to?
I personally think daily acts of kindness has lost it's value when it's vital to peace, these acts help people combat the sense of hopelessness that can influence us all. I have been the giver of this kindness and also the receiver of it, it always moved me one way or the other.
Part of the reason is that kindness isn't recognised, therefore not encouraged, sometimes downright discouraged.
When I surrendered to the creator, I channeled this.
"I live a life of gratitude where I don't expect people to be kind to me, I serve only one master and that's my highest self, what some call God, spiritual guide, higher power or higher consciousness. If that happens, it's a bonus, if I am recognised, it's also a bonus. The act of kindness itself is the gift and same for an act of kindness towards me, be it from the same person or a different one. I appreciate it from the depths of my soul, it keeps me going, knowing kind and good people exist. Especially knowing I'm not alone in this fight for light over darkness."
A lot of the times, people are indeed kind to me because like draws like, if I believe in kindness and I try my best to be kind, the universe synchronises with me. For example, I'm recently grieving my cat, Oskar De La Mew, who passed on recently. Many things remind me of him, a lizard I think he would have liked chasing. His kitty litter bin that I hid in a corner, cleaning it overwhelmed me with grief. Uneaten snacks that I can't bear to give away just yet. The knocking of his paws against the door that I thought I heard the other day. When I turned my head, the sudden plummet of my heart, when in floods the realisation I would never hear it again.
There it was, a reminder casually hanging in the store, right at the entrance. I wasn't sure to move in or out, non of it seemed like a good decision. I stood in front of his favourite snack, a brand of Japanese cuttlefish, a torrent of memories that came to near tears, the reservoirs of my eyes barely contained them. He would perk up when he heard the rustle, appear out of seemingly nowhere, meowing like he hadn't eaten for days. Impatiently pawing at the packet as I teasingly dangled it above him.
I was glad my back was to the store keeper, it was a private moment I wanted to keep private. I did however feel his empathy emanating, vibrations so dear, it soothed me.
When I headed to the cashier, he looked at me with a twinkle of kindness in his eyes, a subdued smile on his face. I smiled, comforted without words, we had a moment of pure divine love between strangers. This happened the next time I went as well, this small act of kindness touches me, I am thankful.
Being an intuitive witch can be a blessing or a curse, because I can feel genuine conditional goodness, I can also feel pertinacious self-centredness and terrifying soul sucking evil. If it wasn't for my all-encompassing view of how kindness looks like, I would miss out on the myriad of kind people who perceive and express kindness differently. People who possess goodness in their hearts, people who remain unseen and unheard by those around them.
People are kind in a way that suits their personalities, they aren't kind in a way that loses their personalities. I know my old self was kind in way that damaged my mental health, I constantly lost myself in my need to be loved, over stretching myself many times over. No one ever called me unkind, selfish, greedy, lack empathy, etc. No one told me it was unhealthy either, because most people prefer it if someone is a people pleaser, it means they get their needs met at the expense of you.
These are all recent developments towards my improved version 11.0, do no harm and take no shit self. Expecting someone to lose themselves to come across as kind is a big no no for me, it doesn't serve me or that person. I will feel obliged, obligations always leads to resentment. Another option is expand your view of kindness, open your heart to trusting that good exist, observe how people are kind in different ways. As you start recognising this, you will realise there're more kind people than you think. This will shine a light on your worldview, having a depressing worldview of all people are unkind or all people are selfish primarily hurts you. It drags you down to the gutter of constant resentment, polluting your soul with muck that isn't yours.
I think we all desire to be recognised as wholes, if you're not being seen or heard yet, remember that the universe always provides. Sometimes, the kindness might not come directly from people, it can come from internal insights or direct messages from The Source that help you grow into your fullest amazing self.
If you start giving praise generously, people will show up for you as well, they also want to be seen and heard! You're not alone in this. We're one and one is all. All is well, we have everything we need inside, we're not in competition.
Love Light Peace
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