The Spiritual Role Of A Family's Scapegoat

The scapegoat serves as the moral conscience, the spiritual leader of a family. The scapegoat is the one with the most empathy and compassion, honest, reliable and caring. Often, the scapegoat is awaken and don't know it or the first to awaken in a family and don't know it. Without understanding why you're a scapegoat, you will find your spiritual journey difficult, resulting in great suffering. When you understand your place in this world, you are purposeful, joyous and peaceful. You live passionately, filled with meaningful revelations that help you make sense of the nonsensical illusions of the ego, all that your spirit rejects as falsehoods. 

Awakenings happen when the suffering becomes unbearable and life isn't worth living, we ask the big life questions then. Why is life so unfair? Why bad things happen to good people? What is the meaning of life? How do I make sense of the nonsensical?  

The scapegoat isn't the black sheep (always getting into trouble, needing people to bail them out), although due to carrying the collective pain of all the family members, the scapegoat's health can be affected greatly so she might think of herself as the black sheep or other family members think so as well. They often behave like the scapegoat is the black sheep so they can vent their own frustrations or blame the scapegoat for their angst. This is even if the scapegoat has excelled in all areas of life, morality, education, contribution to humanity, etc. There is no praise and no recognition, by seeing her as terrible, bad and wrong, they get to feel right, righteous and good by an illusionary comparison. 

The irony is this, the scapegoat is the safest person in the family, the refuge and safe haven for everyone, the scapegoat is also the target for all their unhealthy beliefs gathered either from parents, each other or social conditioning. 

The scapegoat carries the weight of the world on her shoulders. 

Dysfunctional families often stay together through a web of of lies, manipulation, abuse and emotional unavailability. The scapegoat is the emotional dumping ground for all the unhealed wounds, psychological and emotional spiritual warfare that comes along with it. The scapegoat often play the role of saviour/rescuer to not just their own families but partners, partner's parents and friends as well. 

But then when the scapegoat needs help, help is no where to be found, often abandoned and rejected during crucial bonding moments. There is nothing like disillusionment as such, the deep resonating despair in her heart, since when was empathy and compassion wrong? Why are people so selfish and cruel? Is it even human? 

The scapegoat is the glue that keeps everyone together at great expense of herself, living in fear that her parent's marriage will fall apart, partners won't grow or people won't develop themselves. Their lives won't get better, but then is hers getting better as well? Constantly seeking approval, yearning to be loved, wanting to be accepted, seen and heard for who she is spiritually, she barters her gifts, wellbeing and talents to be loved, only to understand they can love as far as they know of love.

When she pulls back, she sees everyone's lives falling apart, she has put them all above her and before her. Torn between her own wellbeing and how others can't handle theirs, before she's completely healed, she will be tempted to jump in mindlessly, motivated by unconscious wounding or by conscious behaviours, the genuine belief in being a good person. Taking on the karma and suffering that she didn't create, that stemmed from ancestral wounding, lasting several generations. 

Having low esteem, low worth, poor self image, a diminished and often fractured sense of self from being parentified children, taking on parental duties since childhood, not having the energy or space to make their lives work for them, parenting themselves and their families at the same time. Scapegoats are at once the most caring kind people, also come across as foolishly naive to some, drawn to takers of all kinds, selfish takers, co-dependent takers, toxic people and abusive people. Those who don't see how draining the familial drama is behind the scenes, how much of the burden they are shouldering, will misunderstand it as incompetence, laziness or lack of effort. 

When she is very simply,

overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed because she has been helping all of them. 

When a scapegoat decides to prioritise herself, often after a spiritual crisis, hitting rock bottom, mentally ill, constantly exhausted and drained, it is the start of an amazing journey of self-discovery and glorious healing. 

Since spirituality is life, every crisis has a deeper spiritual meaning, this is the spirit screaming "mayday mayday, you need to take care of yourself." A scapegoat will realise she has astounding emotional and psychological resilience, to be the spiritual guide to all these people. She has also developed many healing skills through helping others, as well as empathy and compassion to cope with carrying the pain of everyone else on her shoulders. 

The greatest healers globally are scapegoat children who have risen above their once seemingly insurmountable tragedy of being born into loveless families, it is in our pain that we find the God within ourselves. 

By taking a sabbatical from her usual role in people's lives, she start to uncover what is really her responsibility and what isn't. Also to face the harsh truths, this way of giving was a disaster waiting to happen. That it was her over giving that enabled the irresponsibility of others, that she broke because she was overwhelmed, legitimately so and not because she herself was irresponsible, she was TOO responsible.

She finds a healthier constant way to give, taking care of herself first and sharing her overflow with others. 

She has unshakeable values and principles, much stronger than those around her, therefore she was the safe one, the dependable one, the pillar of integrity for her community. She will realise it is the lack of self-worth that she felt badly about drawing boundaries, in fact, she had no boundaries, she thought she was just being her, being a giver. Being a giver is a good thing, isn't it?

Torn between you or I, for once she chooses herself first, partly due to the call to heal herself, partly due to being sick and tired of never having what others have, like high esteem, knowing their worth or a positive self image. 

It's hard to see people flying by, sometimes the same people you exhaust yourself helping as you stay stuck on the ground, unable to take flight yourself. 

You convince yourself that it's fine, it doesn't matter, no need to take credit for your contribution in someone's life. Yet, in the stillness of your heart, you wish you feel OK wanting those things too. You know this when you're alone so you fill up your life with busyness, the busyness of helping so you don't tune into your inner voice, the voice that tells you, you have been grossly neglecting yourself. 

Fighting this is hard because a scapegoat has been repeatedly devalued and shamed constantly, each time she tried to either ask for her needs to be met or want to get her needs met herself, she is sabotaged or shot down, either by herself or others. Most of the time she depends on herself, also because scapegoats seldom if ever ask people for help, we feel we exist to help others. We live outside ourselves, filling ourselves up with pain that isn't ours so others can be alleviated of theirs. They use us and it's normalised inside us that we have to help them or be harshly criticised or raged at for being unkind, selfish or uncaring. 

When all the people who did that, are the unkind, selfish and uncaring ones. They keep us small, broken, sometimes mentally ill so they have an excuse for all that they don't want to face. 

We help them, great for them. Who helps us? *Cue crickets chirps* 

A negligent parent, a selfish partner, taker friends. Before we wake up and smell our own roses, we think we are thorns, we see our leaves fall on the ground of other people's feet and wonder when it's time for us to rise above the ambush our spirit, minds and hearts. When do our seeds bud and we become the tree of life? 

The time is now. 

Stop trying to earn their love, start loving yourself, re-parenting yourself, loving yourself the way you feel they deserve to be loved. Be your best friend, best partner, best everything, you deserve all the love you gave away freely, time to reap what you sow, heal yourself before healing others. 

When we are healed, we make confident, convincing healers because we are living testimonies, our transformation is the most persuasive evidence to the world. 

We are surrounded by these people, who aren't for us. We don't choose people for us because we don't feel we deserve people to love and care for us, the way we love and care for them. If scapegoats are awaken, we see the goodness and potential for greatness. This is what makes us even greater spiritual leaders, we see the God in everyone. We also need to have justice and wisdom to support the hearts on our sleeves and the goodness in our own hearts so we don't fall prey to energy vampires, takers with no limits. Just one entitled, demanding person, will exhaust us to no end. 

Know your worth, it's innate, never earned, you're worthy since the day you were born. 

It's hard because these fake beliefs have penetrated every inch of our bodies like a thousand needles, a sickness we can't shake, we have been poisoned by people who don't hold themselves accountable. They shift blame, project, undermine and tear us down so they can get our support, they also hate that we can support them, it reminds them of their humanness, selfish people hate their humanness, they want to kill anything they consider weak.

They want to kill our light too, because ego sees light as weak, but we know how strong it really is. 

There will be someone in the family that represents evil, as the scapegoat is the moral conscience, the bringer of light, this person is the opposite, full of hellish suffering and constant misery. The embodiment of all you do not want to be, the negative example of your life, the person you are determined not to become. When you identify who this person is, you will understand why you have been fighting a war inside you, where the enemy came from and you can return ownership to that person. 

Know thy enemy, to know thy self. 

By embracing and understand the resounding power of your empathy and compassion. You understand you can change one person and you have, you have changed many, you can change the world inside you as well. 

You got this, you have always been powerful beyond words, you got this. You are the world, the world in in you. 

Ego versus spirit, we are spirit and they are ego. In a topsy turvy world, the ego is king for the asleep, the awaken know when a queen is in the house, we have many thrones, we need not fight, we need not compare, we need not rob, take or steal. Kings are welcome too. Each of us has a throne, a destined special place in this world. One better doesn't make another less, one more doesn't mean one less. 

They love that we are different, they also hate that we are different. When we're special in an awe inspiring way, invincible warriors, we can only shoulder and want to shoulder all the pain in the world when we have all the love in our hearts. 

Understand, we are different because we are love itself. 

We are the healers, the energy alchemists, the light of grace is in us, now let it shine through you, surround yourself with people who deserve to bask in your glory, grow that light with like-minded supportive people. 

Love light peace 

Min

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