Relationships / pain

Anger - The Ultimate Disconnection

I recently went to a talk entitled Kintsugi: Embracing Our Brokenness, it's part 1 of a 3 part series about healing the brokenness in relationships and embracing the idea of living comfortably with brokenness. Other than enjoying the talk, what stood out to me is what one of the participants mentioned. She expressed her struggle of dealing with lifelong anger issues in the midst of tears. 

As a reformed magnet for angry emotionally unavailable people (ahem) and then as someone who experienced not just anger but 23 years of justifiable rage in one full swop, I had to do the necessary deep healing work. Living whole was a possibility, now it's a reality. Post-awakening life is crazy good, it's so good, its hard to put into words and not sound boastful.

My conclusion is out of the 3 main components of healing - mind, body and spirit, while all do contribute to well-being, the last one is the most important and often the most neglected. Healing is best done holistically.

As mentioned during the talk, anger is a secondary "emotion", it's an umbrella for many primary emotions like disappointment, worry, etc. Some don't call it an emotion at all. I'm a huge believer in honouring all of your being, sitting with them and finding your own truths. Instead of putting them in boxes and labelling them with Rah Rah or Blah, which works against you. To fully accept self, you have to embrace the light as well as the darkness. Absolute freedom is acceptance of self and others. 

Anger is a reminder to self-care, it's a call to be centred again. It's particularly destructive because of the lack of information. Anger expressed often causes the other person to shut down and do the mannequin challenge. Anger internalised is self-punishment. Both feed reciprocal disconnection, escalating into resentment if left untouched. 

As a woman and/or a lesbian, there are many things to be justifiably angry about, discrimination, stigma, misogyny, etc. There's no doubt that the list is long. Understanding the roots of oppression gives you a clearer idea of what is your scope of responsibility and what isn't. Once you understand how you lose your voice daily to these societal forces, it will alleviate the guilt, shame and blame that often stands in the way of change. 

Also, your worth is innate, born into, not earned. You might not recognise it yet and it's OK, life is a journey of continuous learning, we are all teachers and students. If you are ready for change, you have already taken a huge leap towards a breakthrough. Force yourself out of your comfort zone too much, too soon and it will be unbearable, you might even give up. Keep checking in with your inner voice, you have all you need inside. Healing work isn't linear, it can be 2 steps forward and 1 step back, it's normal, it's human. As long as you are moving forward, you will enjoy the fruits of your labour. 

Be gentle, be kind to yourself, everyone is perfectly imperfect, that's the beauty of it.

To love, light and peace, 


You can find the video of part 1 and information about Kintsugi: Embracing Our Brokenness here

You can find Strawberry Milk by Aster Hung here

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Hairy Porter

Dear Sisters, 

A recent conversation with a friend left me feeling unsettled. She spoke about how she was judged and subsequently rejected by a guy for coming from a divorced family. He didn't give them a chance to get to know each other better. Said guy comes from a privileged family and is rather sheltered. She's disappointed because she sensed that they had a unique connection. When he heard the word divorce, automatically, he said, "too much baggage." 

I told her this. 

Good riddance, I would ask you to reconsider even if he did choose you. 

To judge her for the choices her parents make, reeks of immaturity. Families fall apart for many reasons, as a child she had no say in it. It was unfortunate that she witnessed their quarrels and had to deal with conflicted emotions as a child. She has since addressed them and have worked through it. Only unaddressed issues continue to affect someone, why is that so hard to understand? She always knew those were negative examples and didn't buy into them for a moment. There are indeed children like her who take the opposite path precisely because she knew how hurtful those moments can be. 

The thing is, she has been tried and tested. Just like glass that goes through fire in the hands of the maker, it becomes a work of art. This fire primed to destroy also made her wise beyond her years, this spirit of resilience and strength has seen her through many other fires in other areas of her life. As a result she became the parent she never had. A caring, understanding person with grit. 

As for him, I am unsure if he can hold it together when things fall apart. We don't know what the future holds and finding a partner to brave the storm together is an essential. It's easy to enjoy the good times, who doesn't know how?

It's those times when the going gets tough and you will still need to show up that you will know what someone is made of. Those are the times that will seal the bond between 2 people. Those are the times when you can grab her hand, wave them in the air and say we made it! We made it together! Now, we celebrate! 

So Sisters, the next time someone judge you for your family, remember this, it is a reflection of someone's inability to show empathy for choices beyond your control. Why would you want someone like that? 

You tell that Hairy Porter to carry his own baggage and get out of here ASAP. 

Comment below if this speaks to you. Your life stories like mine are valuable to the other women here. 

I can't wait. 

To love, light and peace, 


Sometime Else is by Whooli Chen 

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