I recently went to a talk entitled Kintsugi: Embracing Our Brokenness, it's part 1 of a 3 part series about healing the brokenness in relationships and embracing the idea of living comfortably with brokenness. Other than enjoying the talk, what stood out to me is what one of the participants mentioned. She expressed her struggle of dealing with lifelong anger issues in the midst of tears.
As a reformed magnet for angry emotionally unavailable people (ahem) and then as someone who experienced not just anger but 23 years of justifiable rage in one full swop, I had to do the necessary deep healing work. Living whole was a possibility, now it's a reality. Post-awakening life is crazy good, it's so good, its hard to put into words and not sound boastful.
My conclusion is out of the 3 main components of healing - mind, body and spirit, while all do contribute to well-being, the last one is the most important and often the most neglected. Healing is best done holistically.
As mentioned during the talk, anger is a secondary "emotion", it's an umbrella for many primary emotions like disappointment, worry, etc. Some don't call it an emotion at all. I'm a huge believer in honouring all of your being, sitting with them and finding your own truths. Instead of putting them in boxes and labelling them with Rah Rah or Blah, which works against you. To fully accept self, you have to embrace the light as well as the darkness. Absolute freedom is acceptance of self and others.
Anger is a reminder to self-care, it's a call to be centred again. It's particularly destructive because of the lack of information. Anger expressed often causes the other person to shut down and do the mannequin challenge. Anger internalised is self-punishment. Both feed reciprocal disconnection, escalating into resentment if left untouched.
As a woman and/or a lesbian, there are many things to be justifiably angry about, discrimination, stigma, misogyny, etc. There's no doubt that the list is long. Understanding the roots of oppression gives you a clearer idea of what is your scope of responsibility and what isn't. Once you understand how you lose your voice daily to these societal forces, it will alleviate the guilt, shame and blame that often stands in the way of change.
Also, your worth is innate, born into, not earned. You might not recognise it yet and it's OK, life is a journey of continuous learning, we are all teachers and students. If you are ready for change, you have already taken a huge leap towards a breakthrough. Force yourself out of your comfort zone too much, too soon and it will be unbearable, you might even give up. Keep checking in with your inner voice, you have all you need inside. Healing work isn't linear, it can be 2 steps forward and 1 step back, it's normal, it's human. As long as you are moving forward, you will enjoy the fruits of your labour.
Be gentle, be kind to yourself, everyone is perfectly imperfect, that's the beauty of it.
To love, light and peace,
You can find the video of part 1 and information about Kintsugi: Embracing Our Brokenness here.
You can find Strawberry Milk by Aster Hung here.
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