We see many influential people talk about self sacrifice, from religious and spiritual leaders to parents, partners and friends, self sacrifice is now equated with goodness, the more long suffering you're, the more pain you hold onto, the more distress you feel, the more intense your reactions are, you see yourself as a good person.
I see it all the time, it's prevalent in spiritual/religious circles as well as activist/change maker circles, where the expectations are jacked up to sky high levels of martyrdom, whenever I spot this, I know someone is heading for a fall and 10/10 it happens, they have set an impossible task for themselves, finding they often fail themselves, feeling disappointed and disillusioned in due time. Everyone who has a MC will reach a bottleneck where they have to re-evaluate their behaviours, they're never getting enough back in return.
I always saw sex as a spiritual union, the only kind of sex I enjoy is one where I'm emotionally connected to my partner with full body autonomy and full consent. A relationship of openness, filled with beautiful vulnerability and fullness of the oneness.
Assure her she's beautiful, the epicentre of strength, resilience and where all life comes from. She deserves all the love in the world, she is worthy and she is here to stay. It's perfectly healthy and OK to have me time to explore yourself, whether you're in a relationship or not, this is down time you deserve with yourself.
When you're caught in the triangle, you don't have the energy to self-discovery and heal, people in the drama triangle will make excuses to avoid their wounds, I know I did too. It was hanging onto that false belief that my rescuing was kindness, was compassion, letting it go served me like the queen on a throne I really am, finding the bounty of deep self-love was a bonus.
By noticing which role you play and how these roles feed off each other, you can avoid this triangle totally. Remember to come to yourself with no judgement, be kind to yourself. The truth will discomfort you at first, if you go with the flow, it will eventually set you free. Learn to sit with your distress and dialogue with it like you would your best friend, your perfect lover, full of grace, bursting with compassion, with no holds barred.
There are some myths about co-dependency, the word itself gives off the wrong idea. The dependency part is driven by unconscious motivations, conditioned into us by controlling people (abusive or unhealthy) or socially conditioned by a broken system that wants to keep the oppressed oppressed so the power hierarchy is kept to status quo in the patriarchy. Co-dependency is the norm, the default, most people have some form of it, it's that when it doesn't escalate to dangerous levels like drug addiction or alcoholism, it often goes undetected. Leaving people feeling fundamentally flawed, out of place or just knowing they are somehow different, in a guilty as charge shameful way, a deep dark secret of difference yet no clue different in what way.
Sometimes the line between being a supportive friend or a partner and being a free therapist is a hazy one. We want to support the people around us, we also want to be our highest selves, be mentally and physically healthy. We are consciously or unconsciously influenced by negative energy, having healthy boundaries is imperative. This is especially important if you're an Empath who feels energy like none other. No one needs to be a therapist to anyone else for a genuine relationship to occur. A professional therapist bears the duty of support with education, knowledge, experience and skills. Boundaries of time and professionalism are in place to avoid draining even the professionals.
Here are 10 signs to watch out for.
Much about Twin Flame energy is sharing spiritual gifts, one way to quicken the union is to find and send healing guides including spirit animals. This is especially good if your Twin Flame isn't into spirituality and finds Ascended Masters too woo woo.
The Twin Flame connection is such an amazing connection, you can meet in your dreams via lucid dreaming, you recognise each other to bring the ultimate gift of highest selves. It also can be rough going at times. Main thing is keep the interaction going but prioritise your own path, find and execute your purpose with a heart of abundance. Our soul missions brings us a sense of purpose and meaning, an important part in rising vibrations.
I'm sure we have all wondered how someone can have such unwavering self confidence. Looked at them with equal parts curiosity and disgust. You want that self-confidence minus that demanding demeanour. Or maybe you have observed how the open-minded underestimate their abilities, even suffering from paralysing self-doubt. Humble is good, humility take too far is disrespect waiting to happen.
The Dunning-Kruger research hypothesizes that the competent overestimate others’ skill levels. But the error is more complicated for the incompetent—they overestimate their own skill level AND they lack the metacognition to realize their error. In other words, they were too incompetent to recognize their own incompetence.
The day you give up on love is also the day you will find the kind of love that works for you. It's the day you put aside your own perception of all that means anything to you. Your ego is humbled, wisdom is gain, appreciation increases.
You now have a choice. A choice to live a jaded life, safely cocooned in a world of black and white or to find a balance that works for you, one that includes self-love and mutuality.
Yes, you can continue to live in a world of self-denial that happiness is out of bounds, build fences that shelter you from the storm. But soon, you find yourself moving away from the very same thing you yearn for.
We all get overwhelmed by chemistry, it sneaks up on you, promises to give you the world and then we feel disappointed when there isn't a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Doesn't love conquer all? Isn't love unconditional? Where did we go wrong?
We are conditioned to believe in romanticised fairytales and to perceive otherwise is party pooper behaviour. We let one bad apple become a generalisation, conveniently making sweeping statements about the world when all it does is prevent someone new to sweep you off your feet.
We go all hush-hush about our own relationships that don't hit the impossible mark and speak no evil about the relationships of others that don't fit into this erroneous narrow definition of what love is. Neglecting the aspect of soul connections, pretending it doesn't exist and knowing deep in our hearts that it does.
We want to believe in the possibilities of love so much that we forget the realities of love. We set the bar according to love stories that inspire the world while forgetting the oh-so-very-human lessons that the same people go through. It's not that love cannot conquer all or it isn't unconditional.
It just doesn't conquer all or is unconditional all the time.
Love, light and peace,
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You can find He Hongbei's Dumped Garbage here.