Day 3 of 365 days of being
I'm still down with a cough and despite my best efforts to get day 2 out yesterday, I wrote it three times, it just wasn't coming together. I planned to go back and write it. When I centred myself, I realised that stemmed from a place of fear, I wasn't good enough or doing enough.
Instead what my spirit is telling me is let it be, let it go.
I think there's some confusion between living in the now and being. This idea of being isn't new, it's mentioned in various religious text and spiritual teachings. Of course Eckhart Tolle is famous for the idea of living in the now. Between these two is the highest truth, spirit driven by surrender to a higher power and living in the now for greater appreciation of life.
Being to me is living in the now, a spirit driven life that no longer exist in the illusion of the mind, heart or body. Here but not. Present yet free. The spirit is always now, it knows no past or future. A daily example of this is when you're immersed in a task that you love, you lost all track of time. You're transported to a spirit space, no longer captured by your monkey mind or confused heart. This is also why many find the things they love therapeutic, this also the kind of bliss an awakening offers as well.
The irony that crosses my mind when I write about this is that by reading this, you're using your mind to absorb the information. Of course it starts from there. What isn't recognised by the mind, can't be felt by the heart and doesn't touch the spirit. It would be a fun to re-read this with your spirit and see if there's a difference.
The idea behind being is resting deeper when in distress. This could include literal rest, it's really a resting of the spirit, a stillness within us, quiet with no noise. Something meditation does real well, same goes for surrender to my spiritual guides. Which is what I did yesterday.
I have always been a self-punishing person with a huge inner critic, had low self-worth and much self-doubt. I use to empty myself out for others as part of a quest for purpose and meaning. Much of it was to seek the love I did not feel for myself inside.
I always felt this hole in my heart, at certain points of my life, I psychically felt it. This is unlike getting your heart broken by someone else, where you feel your heart ache. This is an ache that vibrates through your body, an emptiness so large, it threatens to swallow you. Post awakening, I feel it filled with the holy spirit, feeling whole is as literal as it's emotional or mental.
It's a coming home to self, a remembering of my true nature. Safe, loved, everlasting.
Part of being is knowing when to stop, so I'm going to end here.
Love, light and peace.
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For why you feel exhausted - Are You A Recovering Nice Girl?
For how we lose our voices - Me Too, Stories Of Bodies Lost To Patriarchy
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